I’m not a Police Officer, never wanted to be one, and after today I definitely haven’t changed my mind! Chasing burglars is not my idea of a good day out! I do fingerprinting! Police Officers have a really tough job and are mostly unappreciated in my opinion. They are however the first people everyone calls when they are in trouble.
It's not that I'm unfit, I like running, but not when I'm chasing after someone who could stab me with a knife! Police are exceptionally brave, but once they have arrested said criminal they have a monumental volume of paperwork! What a reward! I will definitely stick to my fingerprinting.
Could You Tell The Difference?
I wear a different coloured uniform to the officers but 'Mr Joe Public' cannot sometimes tell us apart! They see someone pull up in a marked van with a radio and just assume you are one and the same. Today felt like one of those days and I got a little taste of a job I’ve never wanted to do.
Sunday Morning Burglary
My Sunday morning task was to go to a burglary at a restaurant on the High Street. The back window had been smashed, cash & bottles of bubbly had been stolen. Crime of the century this was not! This should be a nice and straightforward examination, just perfect for a Sunday. I'm really early so I hang around in the doorway and wait for the owner to turn up.
Because it’s a Sunday morning there aren’t many people around yet so the ones that are milling around stand out maybe more than usual. You have your dog walkers, those who are waiting for shops to open and a few early morning ramblers (this is the UK). And then there are a couple of teenage lads who have clearly had a great night out because they are still very drunk as they stagger within feet of me heading out of town. I’m just people watching as it's one of my favourite pastimes, the public can be hilarious!
Enter The Burglars!
A few minutes go by when the owner arrives in a bit of a flap. He's yelling that he's just seen the culprits and they are at this very minute heading out of town. I think I can see where this is heading......
He gets out his phone and shows me excellent CCTV from inside the restaurant. And sure enough it shows the two drunken youths who have just staggered past me stealing from the till. Another camera angle shows them smashing the back window with a hammer before they climb in! I wish all our jobs were recorded like this! It’s definitely them, and the owner definitely is expecting me to do something! Fantastic! I don’t have cuffs, or a baton or a taser, BECAUSE IM NOT A POLICE OFFICER!
The Chase Is On!
However, I do have a radio, in to which I screeched something barely audible to the human ear vaguely about needing backup! (I’ve heard that on the tv, I didn’t get the training in calling for help :-)........BECAUSE IM NOT A POLICE OFFICER!)
With the alarm raised (hopefully) to my colleagues it seems that the owner is still expecting me to do more. It seems he would actually like me to be chasing the burglars! As in actually go after them! Oh lord! I am not ok with this but it apparently it’s happening!
The worst part is that I’m going to have to do some kind of commentary in to my radio. There is no part in training to be a CSI where they teach you to commentate on a chase! So me chasing a burglar is not only new but me doing any kind of commentary is also alien to me!
Everyone listening on this channel is now inflicted with my gibberish, I'm hoping someone can decipher my nonsense and come to my rescue!
Chasing The Worst Burglars
The lads haven’t got too far up the High Street due to their inebriated state which is going in our favour. Not a lot of 'chasing' burglars has had to occur, more that they are zigzagging and we are jogging in a straight line! The good news is that someone on the radio seems to have understood I was in trouble and come to the rescue. A squad car pulls up behind us while we are jogging and a PC joins in the ‘chase’. Still not really a chase yet as they haven’t spotted us as they are still swaying around drinking the bubbly they stole. We are however getting much nearer and my nerves start to kick in.
I am seriously worried about what on earth I'm going to do once I 'catch' them. This is not only because they are bigger than me and look like they could fight. More like they have just robbed a shop and potentially still have a hammer. Oh god!
Still oblivious in a drunken stupor the guy nearest us stops to relieve himself against someone’s front wall - how pleasant! The PC grabs him taking him completely by surprise! One down, one to go! The second one however has just clocked what’s happened and was making a decent attempt at legging it. The owner and I speed up. Mr Burglar throws his rucksack to one side, and with the owner was going for a ‘citizens arrest' I made for the rucksack! I am forensics after all! Bingo, what’s inside? Champagne bottles they hadn’t got around to necking yet and the hammer! Whoop whoop!
Really bad timing for them to return to the scene of their crime, open and shut case for me! CCTV of them in action, stolen property on them and the tool they smashed the window with! It doesn't get much better than this! My morning is complete!
I'll take forensics any day over being an Police Officer, I take my hat off to you!
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