How To Make A CSI Feel Awkward At A Crime Scene

We are fairly un-shockable people in comparison to the rest of society due to the diverse nature of incidents we attend. However there are still circumstances where the public can make situations far worse than you thought possible! And there are definitely situations where the public can make a CSI feel awkward at a crime scene! Trust me, I've been there!

Awkward felling CSI

In the Photographic Studio!

I’ve had a man strip down to his pants while my back was turned when I only needed to photograph an injury on his chest, not his whole body! Read ​more about that here☺

Even When You Call Ahead!

There was also the time when I took a new Police Constable to a burglary; we had called ahead so neither of us was expecting what happened when the door opened. With half an hours’ notice the man had clearly decided that he just hadn’t had time to put his trousers on before opening the door. Standing there with a smug grin on his face he was clearly trying to intimidate a female in a creepy way. However his plans were ruined as I just refused to go inside until he had got properly dressed. The public never fail to surprise with their weird and wonderful personalities.

Today’s Crime Scene Just Took Awkward To A New Level!

I could never have guessed what one cul-de-sac had to offer me today. I was waiting for a hidden camera TV show presenter to jump out on me and yell “Surprise”, but it was very real. 

There had been a string of break-ins in the area and one elderly man had found a screwdriver stuck in his front door lock. Someone had tried to force it open but it had got stuck and he'd pulled it out and had kept it. On the face of it this was an easy job which shouldn’t take long. The owner was unable to walk therefore I needed to go to his neighbour to get the key code for the door lock. Off I go, just a short diversion!

What Could Possibly Be Awkward About This?

I buzzed her intercom and announced myself. “Yes dear, I’m in the bedroom, come through”.

There was only one floor so i quickly found the room I was looking for. This lovely old dear was laying on top of her duvet but leaving nothing to the imagination wearing a very revealing negligée. This is very awkward already and I’ve not even got to the crime scene yet!! I don’t want to stay long, not only is she semi naked but she seems to be chain smoking.

Nasty stale smoke is not what I want to be breathing in or smelling of. Plus it was a little awkward not knowing where to look!

She calls her neighbour to let him know I will be there any minute and gives me the key code. He knows I’m coming, I stress, he knows I will be there very very soon!

I’m Unknowingly Heading To The Awkward Crime Scene Now

Off I go to next door and knock to announce I’m here before I let myself. In the hallway I loudly call out asking where he is. “In the lounge” is the reply. I stress, he knew I was coming. He could have asked to me come later when it may have been more convenient/less awkward depending on your view. But he didn’t. So as I walk in to the lounge I am greeted by a very large gentleman in his armchair……completely naked!

To make it worse (if that’s possible) he has got a duvet on the floor next to him. One tiny corner was just about draped where it was very much needed – but only just!! Nothing else was left to the imagination!!  Butt cheeks and all! He knew I was coming & could have covered a lot more of him up for both our sakes.

It was a hot day, I'll give him that, but come on! It’s not like he didn’t have the use of his arms to pull up the blanket. Because he was holding a cigarette in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, grinning at me.

This CSI Is Feeling Very Awkward!

Oh this is sooooooooo awkward!!!! I don’t like it!! I’m just a CSI trying to examine your crime scene I don’t know where to look; he’s clearly enjoying this situation

To make it even worse the screwdriver was on the table in the corner of the room. This meant I had to squeeze past the naked fat man to reach it where it had clearly been placed on purpose! I won’t lie, I grabbed the screwdriver and ran out saying "I’ve got all I need – Bye”.

Evidence Gained I Head To The Safety Of My Van!

Just when I thought the craziness had finished, a bizarre vision appeared in front of me. I thought I had travelled back in time. Another elderly gentleman was walking across the road dressed from head to toe as Charlie Chaplin. And he was acting as if it was perfectly normal. Maybe it is normal in this Cul-de-sac? He even had the swinging umbrella! Where on earth am I!! Get me back to the Police Station, I need some normality! And that’s never a phrase I thought I would ever describe my place of work as!!

I’ll never be able to drive past that road and not remember the bizarre inhabitants I encountered there today! Even worse still is that the images of naked old people have been burnt in to my retinas.

That’s not awkward, that’s a living nightmare!

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Glamorous CSI Part 2

When I decided I wanted to be a CSI I was very young and watched people on tv wering smart suits waving around fingerprint brushes finding fingerprints. It all looked very glamorous to me and being nosey by nature I thought; perfect job! I didn’t however have visions that I would ever be dressed up in a scene suit doing the things I do now! In some ways I’m pleased I was none the wiser because sometimes my job is horrendous! Read on to find out the things they never tell you will happen to you…..there is a corker at the end!

Human bones in a grave

I’m so lucky in my job as a Crime Scene Investigator that I get to ‘try out’ other peoples occupations, not just watch them! This week I’m not just a CSI, I’m an archaeological CSI excavating a human body from a ditch!

‘What did you do today?’ My husband asks. The reply is not what he was expecting, it was far more interesting than my usual lab work. I had him intrigued!

Is CSI Really Glamorous?

If you are an avid fan of watching CSI Miami then you probably have this impression that we all run around looking really glamorous and solve every crime we come across? But what is it really like to be a CSI in Reality? CSI; is it really glamorous as they portray it to be? In reality do I go around in high heels and a skirt (I wish) finding evidence with numerous lasers and sprays. Or do i just get given a ‘unisex’ (just read mans here) uniform and a fingerprint brush? Ive put together a few examples of what I really get up to, it may not be girly or glamorous but it can be fun.