Pets Who Ruin Crime Scenes

Pets who ruin Crime Scenes, Secret life of a CSI

Every scene has it’s challenges. Some are in difficult locations, some are hot or cold, and some you just know you are going to be at for days! Others however, have things in them that are just beyond your control. Are what are they? Pets - specifically pets who seem intent on ruining your crime scene and seem to enjoy it! How do you make a scene more challenging? Stick a massive ‘horse dog' (I’m sure they have a proper name) in the middle and see how you get on fingerprinting around him. Below are a couple of examples of how these lovely creatures insisted on making my job (and my life at the time) much more difficult than they ever needed to be & ruined my crime scenes!

The Little Gremlin Dog Who Ruined My Day

I’m a cat person. I think you are normally one or the other? I’m definitely ‘Team Cat’. So when I go to your burglary I’d really appreciate it if you put your dog somewhere I’m not please. I also think they can sniff out the fear and then hone in on you! Nope, out please! However; if we have arrested you for something or you have been taken to hospital after an attack you won't be in your house to deal with your pet will you! This is the start of today's problem. 

“Can you just go in and do your thing......take some photos, oh and there are a couple of dogs in the lounge by the way....but they are fine”. These were the words from today's ‘Illustrious Leader’ as I arrive at my latest scene as they were getting in their van to leave. (I don't think they like dogs either!). The pets in question were apparently shut away in the lounge, not technically part of the crime scene so I’m hopeful we wont meet! But no, the Illustrious Leader wants the whole house photographed, oh great!

Ruining My Mood Already! 

Luckily I’ve got another (much braver) CSI with me, so I’ll just hide behind them if the dogs are huge! I bravely enter the lounge and see that two of the tiniest fluffiest dogs are sitting on the sofa. This could be ok, nothing will get ruined today! They are however of that nasty little yappy variety and one of them is growling and showing teeth! Not a good sign, however I only need to take about four photos so I decide to crack on.

I am attempting to convey that I’m ok with this whole situation when with shot one, the flash goes off! Big mistake! Apparently the yappy little growly one is NOT ok with this as it launches itself across the room at us. I scream and run out of the room, so loudly it seems that the scene guard outside knocked on the front door to see if everything was ok.

No It's Not OK!

One dog was very old and its attempt at being angry was rubbish, so he got picked up and put outside (obviously not by me!). The other nasty little vicious ankle biter was going crazy running around the house. As well as barking and snarling it was trying to bite the brave CSI while they attempted to get it in the back garden. It however clearly had other ideas. Get that pet out of my scene!

By now I’ve backed away and I'm by the front door holding my clipboard by my legs as a barrier! So brave I know! Shooing away the nasty pet who is launching himself at both of us still, running itself ragged around my scene. Finally however it runs upstairs. Good? No! This is not a good move as this is where the main crime scene is! There is blood all over the landing with excellent footprints in it! Or shall I say, there were excellent footprints before it ruined them! 

And The Ruining Begins!

It was like the devil pet knew this was our main evidence as he runs up and down the landing, smudging all the detail that was once so nicely visible. So the little monster has ruined all the footprints we had in the blood – fantastic! I will have to break this to my Leader in some way, but obviously the story will involve me being much braver than in real life! We do however still have the blood to swab so all is not completely lost. But no, he has taken things to a new level! 

Clearly the creature is terrified, so am I though and I’m not behaving this badly! Pathetically, yes but I haven’t resorted to trying to bite people yet. I know he is being all angry because he’s scared, but there is really no need to poo all over the landing on top of the blood is there! I've got to swab that! Come on now, was that really necessary? Especially when he literally has the run of the whole house and could have done it literally anywhere else apart from where the footprints in blood once were. Crime Scene Ruined! I feel he is punishing us for daring to disturb him from his slumber.

Will this Pet Ever Give Up?

We’ve had enough, he’s had enough, this whole event has taken a considerable amount of time already and we’ve only managed to take one photograph! Finally he runs in to a bedroom where he sits in the corner quietly seething at us. Sealed in photographs forever more is an angry little gremlin, growling in the corner probably chuffed to bits at the destruction he has caused, ruining my crime scene!

The Cat Who Made Me Gag

This story still makes me gag thinking about it. You may have read in 9 Exhibits I Hate To Pick Up how I’m not good with live blood. Apparently I’m not good in certain circumstances with dried blood either. Today I am at a very messy stabbing scene, it's the middle of the night (obviously) and I’m working my way around the house. When I first got here the blood was still quite wet and there was a cat loose in the house. Little paw prints in blood everywhere. You can't ask a cat to put overshoes on and to only step on the tread plates can you! 

Hours later I finally make it to the kitchen where there is a lovely lino floor covered in spots of blood. It’s drying now and apparently when blood dries on lino it holds together and lifts up at the edges, ready to flake away at any point. The cat however wasn’t worried about this. I gag as I look at what is going on in the far corner of the kitchen. This pet has decided its hungry/thirsty, whichever is correct for drying blood and is licking it up! Yes the cat was literally going around licking up my evidence, ruining my crime scene in the process! Luckily I am not scared of cats so quickly shoo’d away! Is there any left to swab??? Who left this pet in my crime scene??

The Horse-Dog Who Ruined My Scene

Horse dogs - I’m sure they have an actual breed name, but just imagine a dog the size of a donkey and you are spot on. Obviously I’m more than terrified as these two (yes two!) beasts staring at me through the glass door to the lounge. Is that door tough enough to hold them? I literally cannot deal with this! Luckily I don’t have to as I am being taken to another room in the house! Yay! 

No yay! The yay was WAAAAYY too premature! I am being taken to their ‘drool room’. Yes you heard me correctly, these pets had their own drool room and that’s where the crime had occurred! Oh lucky me! How much drool can a dog create! Lots is the answer, and it was all over the items that the burglars had touched. The reason that the items were still there is that the burglar probably had a coronary when the creators of the drool found them! These dogs had drooled all over the crime scene, the evidence and probably the burglars! Gross!!!!! Another scene ruined by a pet!

The Best Parrot I Have Ever Met!

This pet has snuck in to my blog, not because it ruined a crime scene but because it literally made my day! I don't like birds because they have nasty little feet, beaks and a lot of feathers, but this one was hilarious. I'm unsure what breed it was as I’m as good at birds as I am at dogs but it was a parrot of some sort. It was also a breed that will only learn a couple of sentences and these will never be overwritten in its mind.

The lady who owned it was very prim and proper and lived in a beautiful house. I thought maybe she had a workman in the garden as I kept hearing “Fuck off” being said (not that I think all workmen just swear I hasten to add!). Maybe someone was on the phone having an argument? Nope. It was the parrot! 

Obviously I asked the lady about this. You would wouldn’t you, its hilarious! She had rescued it a few years ago and was having a few issues with its language! Sooooooo funny! She couldn’t have got a more inappropriate talking bird for her social situation if she tried. I really really had to try not to laugh when she told me what else it said. She has to shut it in the garage when she has dinner parties. Clearly the previous owners didn’t talk to each other very nicely as this bird had learnt at dinner time to shriek at the top of it’s lungs “where’s my fucking dinner’! 


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