Secret Life Of A CSI

The 'Inconvenient' Dead Body

We have no control over where or when we die. We don't know when or where it will be but it probably never occurrs to us that someone could find a dead body 'inconvenient'! Well why would we? CSI's don't find death inconvenient, it's our job. Even when someone is stuck in a tricky position, it's not inconvenient, it just requires logistics! It's actually you, the public, who seem to find someones demise and the dead body they leave behind an inconvenience! Society's tolerance of each other never fails to amaze me.

It Was A Windy Windy Day For A Dead Body...

How many CSI’s does it take to put up a scene tent? The answer is three. Plus a PCSO (Police Community Support Officer) and two PC's we’ve grabbed from their scene guarding duties.

We are in the middle of the High Street and it’s blowing a gale. We also have a dead body in a shop doorway which needs a tent put over it ASAP for obvious reasons!

Wind & billowing sails of fabric are not a good combination, we are wrestling with the tent and it’s winning. A two minute job this is not! The doorway where the body is located is in a slightly inconvenient location in that it is right behind the main bus stop.  We have ourselves a large audience who are watching our slight tent incompetence and can still see what should be hidden by now!  Normally we put these up at night when no ones looking and there is no hurricane to deal with!

Dead Body Still On Display!

My 'Illustrious Leader' for the day has gone to their van to get the weights for the corners of the tent. Great - this will do it, it just needs weighing down and we can crack on. We each take one and wrestle to fix it to the tent leg. Voila! We step back, smug with winning the fight when a massive gust of wind picks up the tent and shifts the whole thing several feet! This serves to reveal the dead body in the shop doorway once again to the audience in the bus stop. Argggghhhh!

So I go to my van and get a second set of weights. This is new to me, I’ve never needed a whole set before, let alone two. But after bodging it together it finally does the trick and we can let go of the tent, mostly satisfied it won’t fly away again.

'Do Not Cross' - this does mean you!

Now, I know you all know what ‘Crime Scene Do Not Cross’ tape looks like and what it means yeah? But some of ‘you’ ( And by ‘you’, I mean you lovely but sometimes pain in the neck public) either can’t read or think that it applies to everyone but ‘you’! And it is for this exact reason we have Scene Guards stationed around the cordon to challenge your attempts to enter our forbidden areas.

I’m not sure what this particular scene guard was doing at this moment in time but it certainly wasn’t ‘guarding’. Us 'white suits' were just emerging from our briefing inside the tent (which is still in place I’ll have you know). We were greeted by an elderly lady who had not only got herself inside our cordon but her whole Zimmer frame too! I struggle getting my camera & tripod over or under the tape at times, so part of me had much respect!

She was heading straight towards us at quite a speed! Apparently it was quicker to go through the scene to the bus stop than around it?  Yes we are aware of that fact but this is a CRIME SCENE love! “Someone has died......yes I know it’s an inconvenience you have to walk around it.....yes we apologise it’s taking a while....”. Blah Blah Blah!

Honestly!

Several Hours Later...Dead Body Still Being 'Inconvenient'

Thinking that the crazy is over for the day another one of ‘you’ stops me by my van, another elderly lady looking inconvenienced. 'You' ask me when the shop (the one with the body in the doorway) is going to be open.  This lady has a pair of trousers that really need to go back. “I’ve tried three times already” she tells me. My colleague who has been listening in the van responds with “sorry but you are not going to be 4th time lucky either”. She scuttles off muttering under her breath.  I have to try really hard not to laugh as apparently that is not appropriate?  But let’s not worry about the poor dead person, when you have trousers to return! God love the public, you do entertain me!

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